By: Chinyanta Nkonde
It’s always the question of sex outside marriage for young christians out there who have grown up believing that sex outside of marriage is a sin and it’s considered wrong. It can be understandable that they might rush to the altar with the person they feel so strongly in love with.
It’s no shock to anyone that young people are flooded with feelings and desires that lead them to wanting to be physical with whoever they are attracted to, and when sex is known as a sin unless it’s with a spouse, the rush to get a ring on that finger makes sense.
A christian would have kept themselves “pure” throughout adolescence into their early adulthood while people in the world were living life as it comes by, so many young christians are dying to finally enjoy sex. There are also many christians who were living in fornication and are being torn apart by guilt.
Marriage pretty ‘absolves’ the sin of fornication since you will have a spouse that you can have guilt free sex with on a regular basis. They want to experience that sooner than later so they rush to the altar to get laid!
Most people have sex drive. Most people have the urge to have sex as soon as possible. You can either have that sex outside of marriage (a big no among conservative christians) or have that sex within marriage. Which means christians get married so they can have sex as soon as possible, while the secular and liberal don’t care and have sex and children as soon as possible outside the confines of marriage.
Even in the church, marriage is often lauded as the best thing, the highest achievement, the greatest gift, and it can lead young people to feeling like they have to get to that point quickly for their lives, their relationships, and their presence in that community to really matter and have value.
As a single woman in her mid-twenties, it’s one I find myself pondering often. The expectation seems to be that I will meet the man of my dreams someday and then get married shortly thereafter. But I’m not so sure that’s what’s meant for me.
I’m definitely in no hurry to get there if that is what the Lord has in store, that’s for sure. As I see more and more friends getting married (even friends quite a few years younger than me, which feels strange), I return to this question, wondering if marriage is really the ultimate good thing we should be striving for.
We have become blinded by a culture that teaches that the truest source of satisfaction is sex, so it makes sense that many of us would marry young for a taste of that.
What if we saw our lives as something so much greater?
What if we saw our singleness as a chance to truly give ourselves to others?
What if we saw our free time as a gift from the Lord allowing us to serve the people around us and expand the Kingdom? What if we reprioritized our desires and what is important to us, putting satisfaction in Christ above all else?
There is no hurry for us to get married There are so many opportunities before us in the seasons we are in now, and there is so much goodness to be found in a life wholly committed to serving the Lord and others. Pursue him first and foremost, and discover that he, better than any other, can and will fulfill every desire of your heart, no matter your relationship status. The rings can wait.
There’s no guarantee that any marriage will last, not even when two Christians get married. What makes a marriage last is when both partners want the marriage, and when both love honor and respect each other.
Never look for marriage or rush into it just because you are running away from committing the ultimate sin of engaging in sex outside marriage, take time to identify yourself and build your life, look at every single relationship as a source to get married to get rid of your desires of sex .
Sex is a commitment and is sacred, so be very confident about the choices you make when you choose to have your soul tied to another. Make sure you are in the right mind for you to make that decision, because you can never take back the hands of time when you decide to settle down and get married.
Be sober minded when you make a decision as crucial as this. Marriage is a life long commitment and it demands you to be in the right state of mind when choosing a partner. Don’t marry out of quenching the desire, but rather cause you’ve come to a conclusive truth that you’re ready for it.
