By: Ollus Ndomu
Breadcrumbing is a type of behavior in which someone provides just enough romantic interest to sustain a partner’s hopes and positive expectations, only to abruptly drop off communication or withdraw their attention in order to fulfill their own needs or desires. It is characterized by a person stringing another person along with occasional interest or attention, thus drawing out the relationship or giving hope that it could in time turn into something more. While this behavior may start of innocently enough, it can become incredibly detrimental to the mental health of a partner and lead to a very toxic and emotionally damaging relationship.
Signs of breadcrumbing can vary to some extent, but typically involve one partner providing sporadic or just enough communication to leave the other partner with hope for the relationship. Common signs of breadcrumbing include treating a partner as a “back up plan”, flirting with other people in the presence of their partner, responding to messages infrequently or with little real interest, leading a partner on with false belief that there is potential for a mutual relationship, and avoiding discussions related to defining the relationship.
The dangers posed by breadcrumbing can be serious and damaging. On one level, it can lead to feelings of depression, confusion, and self-doubt for a partner who is stringed along without knowing the true intentions of the other. It can cause a partner to feel like they are constantly competing for the attention of the other and be left second guessing themselves as to whether or not their needs or desires are being valued. On another level, it can lead to a partner feeling angry, resentful and betrayed if they find out they have been manipulated or used as a source of attention or validation.
The best way to avoid the dangers of breadcrumbing is to open up honest and direct communication right from the start. Be up front and clear about what it is that you are looking for in a relationship, and be sure to be crystal clear in communicating any changes in intention or desire. Pay close attention to signs of breadcrumbing, such as avoidance of important conversations or treating a potential partner as an afterthought, and be sure to be open and honest about any feelings of attraction for other individuals. Furthermore, trust your own judgment and be aware of any doubts or fears that may arise about another’s interest in you. It is never worth staying in a relationship that feels manipulative or brings about feelings of insecurity.
Breadcrumbing is a form of manipulation that often leads to serious disruption within a relationship. While the signs and dangers of breadcrumbing can be difficult to recognize, being open and honest in communication, being aware of red flags, and being proactive in addressing any doubts or suspicions can help to protect a partner from the emotionally damaging effects of this type of behavior.
